Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Q and A-Adoption Part 1


So I'm answering.  :)

From the moment I shared about the adoption journey we were about to embark on until now I've gotten questions about the process and much much more.  I always think if someone is asking that probably means others are wondering so then I opened it up for more questions and decided I'd cover them all.  I'm covering half the questions in this post and I have a part 2 coming soon.

I want to add that I am by no means an adoption expert.  I'm just sharing our experiences and my own thoughts and opinions.

*What scripture verses did you turn to during the wait for encouragement? 

These are a few of my favorites...
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:5-6

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."-Romans 12:12

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;  they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary;  they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."  1 Corinthians 4:17


*How did you get through the hard part of waiting?

To be honest, we didn't wait long.  Tab and I began the paperwork process in January of 2016 and happened to be the slowest people on the planet to finish the oodles of paperwork.  It took us a sweet forever, but we never felt rushed about finishing.  We just finished when we had time.  We wrapped up at the end of October-beginning of November (I know.  I know.  We were slow.)  And we got a glimpse of Britt in December.  We knew nothing but got a few pictures so we weren't sure she was ours just yet.  But after staring at her picture from December to February, we were ecstatic about getting her official file on Valentine's Day.  All that to say, we didn't wait long and again I never felt rushed through the process.  We knew God had the perfect little girl for us in his perfect timing.


*Where do you even start the adoption process?

I would recommend you begin the process by interviewing some agencies.  Reach out to people you know and get their feedback as well.  I'd ask the agencies questions like...what is your wait time for (what age, gender, etc. you're interested in), how much of the process are you responsible for (one of my girlfriends had to do a lot of the paperwork/filing/etc. herself and our agency did it all for us-might make a difference when you're comparing agencies), ask about fees/costs, ask about the timelines, ask how many kiddos they placed last year, etc.  *These are questions I'd ask no matter if you're adopting domestically or internationally.


*How'd you choose your agency?

We chose our agency based on recommendations and then after talking/interviewing them as well.  We had four friends who used our agency so we felt very confident about their reliability.  It was a pretty easy decision when you know actual people and see children who've been placed using this particular agency. 


*How'd you tell your children you were adopting?

We took our kiddos to dinner back in March 2016 to tell them.  We wanted it to be special and a night they'd always remember.  The kiddos all had such different reactions-Bowen had no clue what we were talking about, Nixon was okay with it, and Ebby Lee cried and cried because she'd no longer be the only girl.  (Now, they're all smitten.)  We spent a good twenty minutes talking to Ebby Lee about the adoption during dinner and we listed all the positive reasons.  By dessert, she was on board.

We told ours when we did because we had meetings scheduled with our home study agency. 


*How'd you get your kids excited about adopting?

We talked about Britt for a over a year.  We prayed for her as a family.  She was constantly on our minds.  When we were matched and could put a face to a name, they were SO excited and ready to meet her.  And to be honest, I think through lots of prayer God prepared their little hearts.  My kids have been amazing with her.


*How'd you decide on China?

We knew we wanted to adopt internationally and while talking to our agency and giving some criteria for what we were looking for...girl, under Bowen's age, etc...they immediately told us China was our answer.  Other countries (at the time we began) were closed, taking longer than a few years to complete, etc.  China was the perfect fit.


*What adoption agency did you use?

I got this question a lot and here's the thing...choosing an agency is a big deal.  You work very closely with them and it's in the best interest of everyone involved for you guys to really mesh well.  On our trip, we encountered three different families who'd used our same agency...one family loved them, one was indifferent, and one wasn't happy.  I'm saying all this to say that I don't want to give the name knowing there's a possibility you might not be happy with them.  I'd hate to recommend them and you end up having a bad experience.  I hope you understand.


*Did you and Tab instantly agree on adoption?

No, Tab is a big, tough looking guy but is complete mush over some topics and adoption is one that can bring him to his knees.  Tab was on board long before I was about adopting.  I was the one slowing down the process, but after lots of prayer God worked it all out.  {I got this question a lot-I'd suggest LOTS of prayer if you and your spouse just don't see eye to eye on this subject.}


*How'd you decide on Britt's name?

Britt's full name is Britt Bradford Slaughter.  We agreed on her name pretty easily.  We both instantly loved Britt.  If you remember, when we were naming Bowen I was drawn to all kinds of one syllable names.  Britt was a quick favorite for us both.  And all of our other kiddos have a family name as their middle name so we knew we wanted a family name for her as well.  You guys know Marla, Tab's step-mom. She's so sweet to our family and treats us as her very own...our kiddos included, so we chose to name Britt after her.  Bradford is Marla's maiden name and we loved it paired with Britt.

I think I've mentioned this before but if God has placed adoption on your heart it's not an accident.  I pray that you'll listen, obey, and act.  I remember hearing an adopted dad talk about his process and he kept using the word, "wrecked".  Adoption "wrecked" him and I didn't fully understand what he meant.  Now I get it.  Knowing these babies are out there wrecks me too.  Babies just like Britt who don't even know what a mama is.  Babies who are waiting to love someone and be loved unconditionally. Babies waiting for a forever family.  Babies waiting for a mama bear to fight for them.  It wrecks me.  And I'm so glad we acted on this when God placed it on our hearts.  We could have missed this.  I'm praying you don't miss it either.

Like I said, I got so many questions I'll be covering the second half in the Q and A part two post coming soon.  If you have a question you'd love for me to answer, please e-mail it at alittlebitofeverything83@yahoo.com.  Thank you!

If you missed any of my China recaps, you can see them here...

I'll see you Friday with some FAVORITES.  :)

19 comments:

Bethany Parvin said...

I love this so much and cannot wait to part 2. Adaptation has been on my heart as long as I can remember. My husband is not totally sure though. I just say I am the momma to a baby I have not met yet.

Laura Kaupang said...

This was so fun to read more about the why behind your adoption -- so excited for this new chapter for your family!

Narci Dreffs said...

Oh, I loved this! So sweet, friend...and such great answers! :)

Mix and Match Mama said...

I just know you have helped and encouraged so many who are considering adoption today. It was such a blessing to watch you and Tab walk this road to Britt.

Sheaffer {Pinterest Told Me To} said...

What a wonderful post! Even having a front row seat to your process, it's great seeing your answers here!

brookerichardson said...

Love Britt and love your family!!!! Adoption is amazing, I could go on and on.

Katie W. said...

This is a great post, you've answered so many questions that I'm sure many people have. Thank you for taking the time to share these details!

Perfectly Port said...

What great encouragement and practical tips! She is so sweet and I love her name and the meaning behind it! Adoption wrecks me too! Praying about it! Xoxo Erin

Meagan @ The Clanahan Fam said...

Oh, I'm crying. That last paragraph. After seeing Britt, it is just heartbreaking to think of her without you as her mama. What a joy and light she is!

Alicia Marie said...

Our three kids had the same reaction to us telling them we were adopting. The youngest didn't really understand, the middle was o.k, and the oldest cried and cried. Definitely not the reaction I was prepared for. Turns out, he thought that he was going to be "replaced" as the big brother. (We did not know the gender until we were matched) Once we explained the baby would be younger than our daughter, things got better.
Looking forward to part 2!

Elaine Welte said...

Oh Erica. I needed these words today. It's definitely on my heart and I'm praying. We've had discussions but definitely need my husband on bored. Knowing that those babies are put there wrecks me as well. It always has.

Amanda @ That Inspired Chick said...

I am so glad God called you guys to adopt and matched you with Miss Britt!! I may end up being the only one in the group without an adopted baby but I definitely feel called to love on all of them. ;) Y'all are such an inspiration. So blessed to know you, friend. xoxo

That Inspired Chick

Jess Pruess said...

Thank you for answering my questions! And what beautiful scripture verses. Blessings to you and your sweet family.

Lindsay at Lindsay'sSweetWorld said...

Proverbs 3:5-6 is singlehandedly my favorite bible verse ever. I miscarried with my first pregnancy and it was the one verse the I was able to cling to while we waited for another pregnancy. We now have two sweet babies and I know that it was just God's way of teaching me patience.

Erika, your family is incredible for adopting sweet Britt. I know that your lives are just as blessed by her as she is by all of you.

Jodi Guntle said...

The verse you wrote out is 2 Corinthians 4:17 not 1 Corinthinas. :)

Erika Slaughter said...

Oops! I like to think I double and triple check it enough that mistakes don't slip by but they do. Thanks for the help!

Dianna said...

Marla seems like a wonderful person and I just love that you used her name with Britt. So sweet. I can't imagine how much that meant to her.

KRISTIN TATE said...

Your line on it bringing Tab to his knees opened up the flood gates.
My heart is always so moved when I read these stories of adoption. I am listening, I fell a tug, and I'm praying.
www.thiszestforlife.blogspot.com

Melanie Smith said...

Do you think you would have been led to adoption if you hadn't had several friends adopting? I can't imagine how difficult a decision it was to do this, and I have to think it may have made your process a little easier knowing you had friends who had done this and could help with the questions, experiencing it together, ect. Did that influence your decision in any way?